i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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