my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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