Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
