Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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