She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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