My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
