It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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