Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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