If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
