I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
