Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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