I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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