Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
