ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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