I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
