even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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