i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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