I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Still dying that you shit outside
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
