The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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