it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
