my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
