Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
