is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
