I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
