addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize