was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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