absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
