Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
