My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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