We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
