i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
