I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Randomize
