Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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