I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
