you're like a bully in the Christmas story
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
