hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
