I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can text with my tongue
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
