Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
