Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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