i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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