I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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