I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
