Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
