I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
