I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
