We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
