hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Help. Why am I so naked?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize