Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
