I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He literally asked permission to hit on me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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