As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
