We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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