so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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