the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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