Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
