so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
