piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
