I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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