Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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