i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize