I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
should my penis look like a turkey
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
