i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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