I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
