Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
