he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
