Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
