I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
