so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
