I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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