There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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