I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
