The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
