So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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