I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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